


Erotophobia

by KimchiAndPasta



Category: Gamma Widow, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Pepperony - Fandom, Stucky - Fandom
Genre: 5+1 Things, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Body Dysphoria, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Feels, Bucky and Steve love each other and love their love, Bucky is into the spanking too, Captain America Sam Wilson, Childhood Friends, Come Marking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, F/M, First Time, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Friendship/Love, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Implied spanking, Insecurity, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Love, Masturbation, Metal Arm Kink, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Power Kink, Pre-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Secret Relationship, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Size Kink, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, They had a funeral for Natasha, Tony Stark did NOT die, Top Bucky Barnes, True Love, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, asgardians of the galaxy - Freeform, love making, mentions of spanking, queen valkyrie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-24 03:11:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19715071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KimchiAndPasta/pseuds/KimchiAndPasta
Summary: Bucky and Steve have been in love for seventy years but life always found a way to interfere.





	1. Gymnophobia

**Author's Note:**

> Gymnophobia: fear of nudity

_1938_

Bucky nuzzled his face against Steve's thin neck. He smelled like lead. Steve stretched his neck back so Bucky could pepper him with kisses. Steve could smell alcohol on Bucky. He just came home from a date and he felt the need to be close to Steve. Bucky drank because he had to go with girls. Steve told him it was okay because what else could they do? Bucky hated it. All he wanted was Steve. They had been in love since before they knew what love was. Bucky's weight started to fall on Steve, collapsing them on the couch.

"Bucky." Steve called. "Go to bed if you're tired. You're crushing me."

"Let me?" Bucky muttered.

"Let you what?"

"Let me inside."

Steve froze. He loved Bucky. He really did. They've been together since even before they were teenagers but what Bucky was asking... Steve didn't know if he could. Steve tensed when he felt Bucky's hand slide to his pant zipper.

"Buck, stop." Steve pushed at him. "I don't want to."

"Don't you love me, Stevie?" Bucky muttered against his ear.

"I do but I don't want to do it."

Bucky pulled away and sat up, slumped against the cushions. Steve sat himself up and looked down at his thin hands. They've kissed. They've held each other. They've held hands. They've even spooned. But sex. That was something Steve just couldn't bring himself to do. He knew his body. His sickly, weak body. Bucky always took care of Steve. His asthma. His pains. Making sure he wasn't hurting his small frame. Steve hated it. Even giving Bucky a blowjob was hard. Bucky has seen Steve naked before but it was when they were changing cloths or finished taking a shower. But this. What Bucky was asking for. It was different. It was very intimate. Steve wanted to but he just couldn't.

"I'm sorry, Buck." Steve whispered. "I just can't get over it."

"It's okay, Stevie." Bucky's face softened. "I know but I still tried to push."

"I want to do it but I just-"

"It's okay. I get it. You're sick and small. And it kills you. Don't apologize. The only one who needs to is me. I tried to push you into it, knowing it won't be good for your body and that you feel a certain way about yourself."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Bucky leaned in and kissed Steve. Steve wanted to give Bucky what he wanted so bad but his fears; his self-loathing always stopped him. But this. The kissing; the closeness. It was always enough for Bucky because Steve is the great love of his life.


	2. Paraphobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is Captain America and he saved Bucky and the other men from Azzano.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paraphobia, or the fear of sexual perversion, is a relatively complicated phobia. Some people fear that they are perverted while others worry about the perversions of others.

_1944_

Steve has spent enough time staring his new body. His strong, muscular body. Nothing like the one he had his whole life. No more asthma. No more color blindness. No more relying on Bucky. Right now, Bucky was the one who needed to rely on him. Bucky was beaten down. He was torn. And he was strong. Bucky fought with the doctor. He didn't want to stay in the medic tent. He wanted to go back to his own bunker. Steve sighed. He knew Bucky well enough to just let him do what he wanted. He came to the aid and convinced the doctor that he'd look after Bucky. He watched Bucky limp back to his bunker. Steve had the urge to follow so he did. However, on the way to the bunker, Bucky wanted to drink so Steve went with him.

While sitting with the others, Steve couldn't help but watch Bucky. That damn smile. It always made Steve's knee fail. Things were different now. Bucky and Steve were a similar size now. He would feel fuller in Bucky's hands. His hips were good enough that Bucky wouldn't have to be afraid of breaking him. He was strong enough to finally take Bucky to the hilt and then some more. He wouldn't have to worry about scaring Bucky with his breathing. He-

"Stevie, you good?" Bucky patted him on the shoulder.

"Yeah." Steve breathed.

Bucky's hands were calloused and strong. The pat on the shoulder felt nice. If only he used those hands on his ass, giving him the punishment he deserved for never listening. Steve stopped himself. _"What did I just think?"_ Steve suddenly couldn't breathe. He stood up abruptly and said he needed some fresh air and walked out. He felt disgusted with himself. He wanted Bucky to hit him. To pain his ass redder than the blood he has seen on the battlefield. He wanted to be so sore that not even all the drugs in the world could numb it. He wanted Bucky to hold him down and hit his ass until he cried. He tried to swallow but his throat hurt from being suddenly so dry. He loved Bucky but what he wanted was..something dark. He hasn't even let Bucky inside of him yet. He jerked away when he felt a hand against his lower back.

"Steve, you okay?" Bucky was still limping.

"I'm fine, Buck." Steve's voice cracked. "Are you okay? Do you need help?"

"I'm good enough. What about you?"

"Good."

"Stevie.."

"I really am, Buck."

Steve smelled alcohol on Bucky's breath. He wasn't tipsy but he was afraid Bucky would overdo it. He knew Bucky wanted to b ut Bucky's love for Steve always out weight every and anything else.

"I'll help you to your bunker." Steve held out a hand.

"Will you keep me warm?" Bucky whispered, taking Steve's hand.

"Yeah."

"I love you, punk."

"I love you too, jerk."


	3. Philemaphobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finds Bucky but hes not the man he's loved all his life anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fear of kissing.

_2014_

_"Bucky?"_

_"Who the hell is Bucky?"_

Steve sat in isolation. Hydra was within Shield. Bucky is alive but under Hydra's control. He didn't know him. Bucky didn't remember Steve. Steve grind his teeth. Bucky had to be in there somewhere. He had to try. If it was the other way, Bucky would try too.

~

"YOU'RE MY MISSION." Bucky screamed as he kept punching Steve.

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes." Steve gasped, not fighting back. "I love you."

"Shut up!"

"I'll be with you 'til the end of the line."

Before Steve knew it, everything went black.

~

Waking up in the hospital gave Steve mixed feelings. He was glad that Sam was there when he woke up but his thoughts went straight to Bucky. The days were okay. Sam distracted him with what the modern age offered. The nights were a different story. There was nothing to distract him from Bucky. From their years together. From the war. From the first time they ever-

Steve held something cold touch his cheek and he sat up, grabbed his ribs. He reacted too fast. It was dark but he knew who it was. He remembers the cold stringing of that metal arm.

"Buck?" Steve whispered, reaching out.

"I know you." Bucky sat on the edge of the bed.

"Let me help you, Buck."

Bucky didn't say anything. He used his metal hand to touch Steve's bruised face. Steve kissed the palm of Bucky's metal arm and he froze. He remembered kissing Steve. Before and after the serum. He remembers how Steve used to moan; gasp for more. He even remembers how Steve gave himself to Bucky but also closed himself off from Bucky. He hadn't noticed Steve got closer until their lips almost touched. Bucky pulled away and stood straight up. Bucky nearly beat Steve to death. He could have killed Steve. He was supposed to. Yet, here was Steve trying to kiss him harder enough that Bucky might remember more of their life. Steve stood on his knees, trying to get at eye level with Bucky. Steve begged for a kiss. Steve stretched his neck out like he used to. Before the war. Bucky felt temptation but fear overtook his mind. What would happen if he kissed Steve? He wanted to. He felt like he wanted to. But right now, being the Winter Soldier dominated his whole being; not James Buchanan Barnes. Steve; Captain America, loved Bucky Barnes; not the Winter Soldier.

"Bucky, please." Steve reached for his flesh hand.

"Don't." Bucky pulled away. "Please, don't."

With that, Bucky felt Steve behind once again.


	4. Chiraptophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They escaped from the bunker in Siberia and fled to Wakanda. Before Bucky goes into cyro, Steve tries to comfort him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fear of being touched

_2016_

Bucky's metal arm was blown off. Steve couldn't stop staring. Bucky was in his own little world. He has chosen to go under until they figured out his.."programming". T'Challa was doing a miracle. Steve wanted to touch Bucky. He needed to feel him again. He reached out for Bucky's face but he jerks away. Steve retreats and keeps his distance. Bucky looks apologetic. He knows what he did and how it made Steve feel. But he couldn't help it. He couldn't get over it.

"Now, I know how you used to feel." Bucky chuckled.

"How do you mean?" Steve raised an eyebrow.

"We were together for a long time and we never were...intimate."

"Buck, we were plenty intimate."

"We never had sex though."

_Oh._

Steve remembered being so insecure when Bucky implied sex. He remembered how out of body he felt when he got the serum. He wanted to sleep with Bucky during the war but his serum body held him back just like his weak body used to. Now, it was Bucky whose body was holding him back. Except it wasn't really his body. It was more his shattered mind than anything. 

"Do you love me?" Bucky asked.

"Always." Steve was taken back.

"Even if I never kiss you again or hold your hand?"

"Yes."

"Even if I never keep you and your bed warm again?"

"Forever and then some."

"Even if-"

"I've loved you since we met in the schoolyard all those decades ago and I'll love you when I'm dead and gone."

"I know I've loved you for decades and I've loved you all over again since the bridge."

"I'll be here when you go under and I'll be there when you wake up."

"Promise?"

"Til the end of the line."


	5. Genophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve reunite as Thanos is attacking Wakanda. They don't have time but they want one last moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fear of sex

_2018_

"I've missed you, punk." Bucky smiled.

"I've missed you too, jerk." Steve bit his lip.

Bucky was asked to go to war one more time. Thanos and his army was coming. Vision needed to extract the mind gem from his forehead before Thanos came. The team was separated. Everything was crashing and burning. But somehow, just somehow, Bucky was the only thing helping Steve keep together. They didn't have much time but Steve just needed one moment with Bucky.

Just one.

Before it was over.

Steve pressed Bucky against a wall. He slowly touched Bucky's face. He didn't want to overwhelm Bucky. Bucky breathed deep. His metal hand touched Steve's hair.

"Let me?" Steve kissed.

"Let you what?" Bucky gasped.

"Let me in."

Bucky froze. Bucky loved Steve. He really did. The world was burning around them. He didn't move away or throw his hands down. He stayed in position. He even held his body closer to Steve. But what Steve was asking...Bucky knew he couldn't. Not because of what was happening right now. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. Then Bucky tensed when he felt Steve's hand slide down to his pant zipper.

"Steve, stop." Bucky nudged. "I just..."

"Please don't push me away." Steve nuzzled his neck.

"I won't. Never again. I just can't."

Steve's eyes became soft. This all sounded familiar. He knew it well. Steve cupped Bucky's chin and gave him a gentle but passionate kiss.

"I'm sorry, Steve." Bucky stumbled over his words. "I just-"

"Can's get over it?" Steve finished his sentence. "I know, Buck. Trust me, I know."

"I want to give it to you, I do."

"Don't apologize. You don't owe me anything. This. Right now. The closeness. The kissing. It's enough for me. Because you're the great love of my life."

"I love you, Stevie."

I love you too, Bucky."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LIKE WHAT I DID HERE?
> 
> I MADE IT SIMILAR TO THE FIRST CHAPTER BUT ROLE REVERSED.
> 
> I'M VERY PROUD OF THIS ONE.


	6. Philophilia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanos and his army is defeated. They reversed the snap. Steve returned the stones. 
> 
> What's next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "A lover of love"

_2023_

They held Natasha's funeral. Tony was barely standing but he had Pepper by his side with their daughter, Morgan. Clint stood by with Laura and their three children. Bucky mourned the Black Widow along with everyone else but he wanted to be close to Steve. He wanted...

Everyone was going their separate ways. Tony and Clint were finally retiring. They had families and they can finally have some real peace. Bucky envied that. He had enough thanks to T'Challa but there were always going to be things in his head. Thor decided to leave New Asgard to Valkyrie and go with the Guardians. Bruce went back to his science. He wanted to take some time because he wanted to mourn over Nat for a little longer. But then, there was Steve. Sam was going to follow Steve wherever he went. He was a loyal man. Bucky was glad Steve had someone like that by his side when he wasn't.

"I think I'm done." Steve suddenly said.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"I gave it my last go."

"You're not serious?"

Bucky arched an eyebrow. Was Steve seriously putting the shield down?

"I just think it's time for a new Captain." Steve said.

"Who did you have in mind?" Sam asked.

In a heartbeat, Steve took the shield and reached out for Sam. Bucky smiled. Sam was the perfect choice. He was a good man and only good men should touch the legacy of the shield. He knew Steve well enough to know he wasn't giving it up for good; he was just giving up the mantle. The world, _hell the universe_ , was now forever changed and sometime change is good.

"I'll do my best." Sam held up the shield like a giddy little kid.

"Trust me, Sam." Steve smiled. "You'll do better than best."

~

The moment they were alone, Bucky pulled Steve into a long and passionate kiss. Steve returned the kiss. Without breaking the kiss, Bucky pulled Steve into his room. He needed to be close. T'Challa had invited Bucky and Steve to stay in Wakanda for a little while to have some breathing air after everything that had happened. So they could figure out what to do next. Bucky took this time to give Steve intimacy. He knew Steve needed it as much as Bucky wanted it. Bucky broke the kiss so they both could breathe and gently pushed Steve onto the bed, crawling on top.

"Buck." Steve gasped. "You don't have to."

"Come on, Stevie." Bucky sighed. "Let me in?"

Steve sits up so he's closer to Bucky's face.

" **Yes.** " Steve breathes into Bucky's ear.

Bucky is nervous; scared; frightened. But he's so in love with Steve. Finally, there's some normalcy for the first time in eighty years. He was going to force himself. His hands shook as he took his shirt off. He could feel Steve's hard bulge. He could feel himself getting hard. Hydra did so much to him but he wasn't going to let them take this from him; from Steve. He took off Steve's shirt and slid his hands to the top of Steve's pants.

"We don't have to, Buck." Steve whispered. "It's okay. I don't need it."

"Steve, stop." Bucky gave him a warning look. "We'll just go slow."

"I'd like that."

"So we can feel _everything_."

As soon as Bucky finally pulled Steve's pants down, his hard cock sprung out. Bucky smiled. Steve turned red and looked away. Bucky used his metal hand to cup Steve's face as his flesh hand started stroking Steve's hard cock. Steve bit his lip as Bucky stroked faster. He thrust his hips into Bucky's hand. He was getting lost in the lust; the pleasure; the love.

"Buck!" Steve gasped as his hips jerked violently.

"Come on, Stevie." Bucky whispered. "Come for me."

Steve arched his back as he came in Bucky's hand. He took his flesh hand, covered in come and rubbed all over Steve's body. He took his flesh hand and pressed two fingers into Steve's hole. Steve threw his head back as Bucky thrust his fingers in and out of him. Bucky unzipped his pants, pulling them down to his knees and took his metal hand and became to jerk himself as Steve thrusts himself on his flesh hand. Bucky groaned as the rhythm got faster. He was going to blow his load soon and wanted to get inside of Steve. 

"Oh god." Bucky gasped. "Stevie- God- Let me in?"

"God, yes!" Steve whined.

Bucky stopped and ripped his and Steve's pants off. Steve spread his legs as wide as he could as Bucky settled himself between the blonde's legs. Steve was in euphoria. It was finally happening. _Bucky was going to make love to him._ Bucky gently pushed into of Steve. First, the tip. It was enough to Steve cry in pleasure. Bucky wanted more. He pushed more and Steve's sounds were like music to his ears. Finally, Steve took all of Bucky to the hilt. Bucky groaned as he felt Steve clench.

"Buck, please." Steve moaned.

"Music to my ears." Bucky grinned like a wolf.

Bucky rolled his hips into Steve. He rocked the bed with his movements. He held Steve's hands to the bed as he sped up. The bed shook with their love making. Steve gasped as he wrapped his legs around Bucky's waist. He cried out Bucky's name. Begged for more. Bucky's thrusting became erratic. He was going to come. He knew Steve was getting close. Just one more hard thrust and then they...

"Buck!" Steve screamed as he came on their stomachs.

"Oh god!" Bucky gasped as he came inside of Steve. Hard.

~

Bucky and Steve laid in bed together. They had a few more rounds when they finally exhausted themselves. They were a mess but it was a good mess. They needed to figure out where to go after all this but they weren't alone anymore.

"I remembered something." Bucky broke their blissful silence.

"What did you remember?" Steve smiled, leaning on Bucky's chest.

"Back in 1944."

"What about it?"

"After you got me out of Azzano and you were helping me back to my bunker."

Steve froze. He knew exactly what Bucky was getting at. Steve sat up.

"Maybe after we catch our breath, we can get on with your little fantasy." Bucky smirked.

"Only if you use the metal arm." Steve blushed something fierce.

"Anything for you, doll."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND IT'S DONE. I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED IT. I went a little nuts for this final chapter BUT I'VE ENJOYED WRITING IT.
> 
> I got the idea for this story based on some of my own personal feelings about intimacy and sex and for some reason, Steve and Bucky were the perfect people for him to write this story for. 
> 
> THANK YOU FOR ALL THOSE WHO READ IT! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Erotophobia is a generalized term that encompasses a wide range of specific fears. It's generally understood to include any phobia that is related to sex.


End file.
